It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
