we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
