Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
