Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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