saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
