Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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