Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Randomize
