So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
