But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
