Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
