Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
