I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
What drink are we having for lunch?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
