But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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