peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
