Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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