Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
