I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
