I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
