I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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