i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
