Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
smell my finger.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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