Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
