I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
