tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
