You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
