He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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