I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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