why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
