I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
