Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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