I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
