my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
