Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
