10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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