apparently the secret to your success is patron
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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