you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
