Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
