Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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