please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
