Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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