This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Randomize
