There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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