I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
