Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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