By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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