I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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