that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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