I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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