I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
