I wanna passion pit in your ass
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
