this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
nutella sex= disaster
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
