i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
A bitchslap is in order.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
